Pirates of the Caribbean

Listening to: My brother vacuuming - courtesy of Saturday Chores

An interesting trilogy, (soon to be a tetralogy?) that didn't follow any of my rules!

RULES FOR TRILOGIES

1. I will like the first, forget the second and miss the third.
   
2. All movies in the trilogy are equally awesome. (This is rare)
   
3. No running in the corridor

It looks as though I will have to add a new rule along the lines of not liking the first and getting radically better from then on.

I think I like this last one so much because it took me two movies to work out how to watch them and two movies for them to work out how much of what to put in... but I'm speaking in riddles. Let me illustrate (with particular emphasis on Pirates 3):

Pirates 1

Now this graph is only applicable to this particular genre of adventure movie. You can see how well Babbat's Feast would do if put on the graph, it wouldn't have any on either. Now as you can see Pirates 1 more than enough plot, I will say it was quite engaging - that bottom blue line is absolutely bare minimum. As you can also see here, the movie has more than adequate Adventure, though the only reason it's even close to crossing the line of adequacy is because of Captain Jack.

Note how Crazy/Fun Adventure does not have a maximum, provided there's enough room for the minimum Plot.

Pirates 2

Now see here how the Plot has now increased, lots of backstabbing and crazy allegiances, it is on the limit of what we can process in the Pancake Parlour after the film.

There was a lot of 'but what happened to him?' and 'why was he fighting him?' and the occasional 'why is she still trying to act?'.

However, because of the heavy plot it actually worked in my favour. I occasionally got bored with it and just enjoyed the amazing adventure and imagination.

Pirates 3

I don't know what other people thought, but it was in this film that I realized why Bloom's last name was 'Turner'. You haven't seen this one yet? I will explain the plot to you.

Imagine twenty crazy, strangely dressed people spinning around and randomly pointing at each other yelling.

'I'M ON YOUR TEAM NOW!!!'
'OKAY!!! WHY?'
'I DON'T KNOW!!!'
'OKAY!!!'

I consider myself someone who is pretty good at following complicated plots, but after my experience with the previous movie I completely gave up. The impenetrable maelstrom that is the storyline forgotten, I was free to enjoy the amazing imagination and visuals. It was the equivalent of a children's book for adults and the most fun I'd had at the movies for ages. To be honest I almost feel a little guilty liking something like that. Where's the themes! Where's the coherent character development! But... who cares?

Now, I do have a few gripes. They're mainly about the ending, since that was the only time the awesomeness slowed down enough for me to notice anything bad. Still an awesome movie, that could have been even awesomer.

They had awesome characters and did almost nothing with them. Case in point? Capernicus or whatever she was called. She turned into crabs and made a 'tiny' out of the way whirlpool for ships to play in. For an all powerful and scorned diety unleashed upon the very sea they were sailing on, it seemed kind of... pathetic?

Also, where was our awesome battle? there was like a thousand ships! Two ganged up on one ship and killed it. Battle over? I want to see pirate lords fight! They forgot to end the movie. Budget be damned.

Fan service. If done right, I don't mind it. But this movie was a little crazy on it. The makers of this movie don't like losing anything, even the smallest character or joke. When the dog came out carrying the keys near the end... why? That doesn't make any sense! I was so into the movie, that when the dog came out it violently threw me back into the real world of stupid writing. This is not even to mention Kiera Knightly having to take off her pants within the first like 2 minutes - for what is not the last time.

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