♪π

Art: Body practice proof

2011-01-03T20:43:00.006+10:00

Hopefully this should prove to those determined to improve me, that I am indeed practising bodies:

Okay yeah, most of these are clearly just copied straight from pictures. And not very creative pictures either, but once I master the proportions, then I can start putting people into proper poses.
Now let me post faces in peace! ;P

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: Internet Celebrities

2010-12-18T09:07:00.014+10:00

I used to hate drawing faces - so I started forcing myself to do them. And then that marvellous thing happened where, because I was somewhat good at it, I enjoyed it more, so I did it more, so I got better at it, so I enjoyed it more, so I did it more etcetera.

This wonderful snowball effect has gotten to the point where if I want to relax, I'll draw some faces. I know I need to practice bodies, but it will be a while before I have anything worth posting on that topic so here are some celebrity caricatures. Caricatures from around the web specifically. In fact, most specifically they are obscure celebrities.

I never really posted actual celebrity caricatures before, as rather than just being an interesting face they can be judged by other people as to how much they genuinely look like the subject. They can be measured. But "...without criticism, art stagnates," which isn't a real quote but it sounds like one, so I'm going to use it.

Anyway, enjoy and critique:

Andrew Pants

Actually, his YouTube account is probably a better place to find a picture of his face. A super talented musician that takes requests on his website, both paid and free, and turns them into songs.

Copper Cab

I think I like him because of his passion, and his earnest attempts to control his anger - which is very interesting to me.

Jake and Amir

Very funny guys who I've only just started watching. I wanted to draw their faces because they looked very difficult to do, especially Jake (left).

The dangers of unintentional plagiarism

2010-12-15T11:51:00.008+10:00

So I was thinking the other day "Wouldn't it be a great idea to mix Boba Fett and Bulbasaur? Creating Bobasaur, if you will.

I mean, they're kind of the same colour, and they both have something on their back and everything. So I did a rough of just that:

"Brilliant," I thought. "A totally original idea that my generation should love on every level. Maybe this could be a T-Shirt or something, who knows."

So I was all geared up to do a properly inked version when I stumbled across this:

Bulba Fett

I must stress that I found this after I drew the first picture. I stress this because as you can see it is ridiculously close to my picture in many ways.
I mean, Bobasaur and Bulba Fett? Seriously?

This just goes to show how easy it is for two people to independently arrive at a very obscure idea, and have it turn out identical - and why artistic plagiarism should be enforced carefully.

Art: Stumped Book Illustrations

2010-08-30T20:16:00.005+10:00

Since the book is still wading its way through limbo, the illustrations are sitting inactive on my harddrive. I thought since this is an art blog, I might as well upload them.

Here is a low res compilation - let me know if you need a bigger version:

These are just the polished sketches, in very rough chronological order - Only a few have been inked.

I haven't shown this to anyone but Luke, and since this is one of the biggest works I've put time into I thought it'd be pretty valuable to get some 'outside' feedback.

This has given me the steepest learning curve since I first picked up a crayon. I tell you what, forcing yourself to draw poses, characters, backgrounds and events that are already there is so much harder and rewarding than just drawing whatever you feel like. There are pictures up there that I would have never chosen, really didn't want to do - but often they're the ones that I'm now most proud of. It really stretches you as an artist, and I highly recommend it.

DIY: Whiteboard

2010-08-12T21:46:00.015+10:00

Time for a new segment! Helmut of Hardware's DIY corner - hooray!

Today I'll show you how to put up an enormous double-sided whiteboard for up to a fifteenth of the price! Here's mine, set up and already in use:

Please ignore the bizarre paint job on the wall behind... it's a long story. The main thing is that this is a 2400 x 900mm whiteboard, of which I made two for less than $65! (Australian)

All you need is a drill, a few common fixings and some elbow grease (although I needed a jigsaw as well).

STEP 1: The board

Proper whiteboards are usually made out of porcelain or hard coat laminate, and are very expensive.

My board is simply particle board with a Melamine surface. However, you can't just use any Melamine - you need a particular smooth finish, or the ink dries in the miniature creases. (See Step 4 for Pros and Cons of Melamine)

Bunnings doesn't sell any smooth finish Melamine off the shelf, but it was a simple matter of asking at the Special Orders desk and they were able to order me something called Velvet Melamine. It arrived the following week.

I purchased a colossal 2400 x 1800 mm Melamine board for about $55. There were also smaller, cheaper boards available, but I was being ~~greedy~~ ambitious. Admittedly, I was barely able to get it home.

STEP 2: Putting it up

Size:
First of all, I decided to cut it in half with my jigsaw. 2400 x 900mm was a much more manageable and pleasing size, which meant that I could reach the whole board and wouldn't be wasting any of it - as well as having a second board which I could sell on or swap out later should it become damaged or marked.

Also I couldn't fit it down the stairs, so... that was a consideration.

How to attach to the wall:
Melamine sheet is double sided, and I really wanted to be able to flip it around later. This meant I couldn't just screw it up tight to the wall. I also didn't want to just lean it up against the wall either.

What I decided to do was 'sit it' on three or four strong screws, fixed into studs.

(EDIT: That line underneath isn't a crack, just careless pencil work marking out the stud)

Finding the stud:
If you don't have a stud finder, like myself, you can knock and 'hear it out'. This takes a lot of practice to get any accuracy and I certainly didn't have any of that. However drilling a few tiny holes in a row will eventually tell you exactly where it is. Of course, this does leave you with a few tiny holes in a row, but the way I figure it is if you ever take down the whiteboard which is covering those holes, you'll have to patch up the screw holes anyway - it's almost no extra effort to fix a few extra holes.

NOTES:
- Leave the screws sitting out about 20mm (as pictured). That leaves 10mm for the plasterboard, and 20mm for going into the stud.
- Make sure you pre-drill the hole, or you'll have a hell of a time getting the screws in.
- Make sure the screws are all the same distance from the floor, or you'll end up with a crooked whiteboard.

10g x 50mm Pan Head screws - pack of 10 for about $3.50

Holding it in place:
There are two things you can do to stop it falling down or tipping, while still allowing you to swap it over. I did both. First there is a little toggle.

These toggles are used for holding fly screen windows in, but with a nail, it's pretty easy to put on at the top of your whiteboard. Just twist to release.

The second is a metal plate, which you can slide the whiteboard out of.

Both of these options cost around $5.

STEP 3: Adding a shelf

This is an optional step, but since I found a cheap shelf kit for $1 and since I'd already found the studs, I thought why not add a shelf to hold all my markers and cleaners? Or indeed, a range of different items:

STEP 4: Using the board

Now Melamine is a cheap alternative and does have its downsides, but with some care it can work just as well.

First of all, I found it didn't erase as well. If you just use a cloth or normal whiteboard eraser, it will leave smudges - or worse, not erase anything. Cleaning products help a little, but with some testing, I found wetting the area with a small spray bottle of water works better than anything.

I also recommend using good quality markers, as the cheaper ones (especially the red and greens) can stain over time. These are the ones I use:

Because I often use it for art, you'll notice I've gone with markers that give me a variety of lines. I tend to fill it up quickly, so I've bought some small pens to allow for maximum space saving.

Also, permanent marker really is permanent on Melamine - so go carefully.

Now when I wake up I have my chore list, and things I need to remember for that day. As well as a large area for brainstorming and drawing. As a highly visual person, I find it invaluable.

Feel free to ask me any questions about my confusing instructions! And if you have any good tips for dealing with whiteboards, or brainstorming... or anything really, feel free to comment.

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: Monk Faces

2010-07-03T20:53:00.003+10:00

While working on a short animation, I had to design three monks - two silly, and one serious - I also didn't really want to just do the normal monk cliche (like #1) so I drew a few different types till I was happy with them.

I decided to use #11, #6 and #17, though I may still use some of the others for something.

This is what I ended up with:

Art: Treff

2010-03-06T22:20:00.007+10:00

Every now and again I wake up in the middle of the night and write down some strange, random thought I had while sleeping. I then find the text the next morning waiting for me, though I barely remember it - They are reliably insane.

Evidently, I now do that with illustrating as well.

I found the above picture open in a Flash document and I do... vaguely remember getting up in the middle of the night to draw this. I also remember having the whole book planned out in my head. I wish I had have written that down as well.

I don't know who or what 'TREFF AND HIS DIRTY, FANCY SHOES' is, nor do I have ANY idea what it means - or what the story might entail. (I think my Grandmother had a loyal dog named Treff...?)

Any ideas? What happens in the book?

Deltora Quest Audio Books

2010-02-19T12:16:00.009+10:00

Hooray! Today is the day I complete a year long quest of my own.

Let me set the scene: I'm a huge Emily Rodda fan (Enid , Edith and Emily - they got my back) and had read through her Deltora Quest series multiple times when younger. Now one of the perks of being an artist is being able to listen to whatever I want while I work, and I found if I could find the audio version of a book, I could quite literally 'read' the whole thing two or three times a month (I read the Great Divorce eleven times last year alone).

So now I'm a big collector of Audio Books. My prize jewel is still Patrick Stewart reading The Last Battle - is there any better way to fall asleep?

As far as the Internet was concerned, however, no such thing as a 'Deltora Quest Audio Book' existed. Wikipedia made no mention of it, Google was empty, all the Audio Book websites were pessimistic and even Emily Rodda's own website confirmed it. Apparently after 30 countries and 8 million copies it had been made into an anime series, before an Audio Book was even considered. Well, the Internet had never failed me before, so I trusted it.

Then, about a year ago, I found a copy of 'Return to Del' (the final book) in audio format hidden in the back room of Angus & Robertson. It was even read by Ron Haddrick who *squee* sounds just like Patrick Stewart!

The woman at the store said it had been sitting there for about six months, well after it had gone out of print. According to her no other book store would have it, and that it was probably the last purchasable copy in Australia (the only country in which it was released). In the months that followed, I began to agree with her.

The local library chain had a couple which were sent across, and I managed to find one more at the back of a similar book store. Stonnington Informational Services and Monash University Library each had another. I was getting close now.

ABC Audio and Scholastic Australia remained tight lipped, and even Ron Haddrick didn't list it among any biography. Most book stores had never heard of it, and everywhere else said it was out of print and 'unattainable'. I rung companies, searched databases and emailed online stores. To almost no avail.

A government program called Library Link provided the answer. It allowed me to track the remaining books across Australia.

Three months ago I ordered one over from the Eastern Regional Library Corporation, and just today I picked it up. The final piece. I think I am now one of maybe 20 people to have the full collection. It's very satisfying.

I finally have the full collection after a ridiculous amount of trouble - I just hope they're not terrible.

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: Morgan Freeman

2010-01-31T13:58:00.006+10:00

I know I said I'd start practising bodies, but...

I had to post this portrait I did for a competition over at Newgrounds:

I'm trying out a new colouring technique I've stolen from a number of places including Emmy C's art blog - and I think it turned out great... for someone who never colours anything.

Next time I do it, I want to use Quicktime's new screen-capture function, and do a time-lapse video. It'll be fun!

Drawn from scratch in about 4 hours.

EDIT: Alright! I won 'Sexiest Freeman'

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: Backlog

2010-01-27T22:23:00.001+10:00

I did this as a birthday present for my sister - she used to be quite fond of Sylar. Fond of him right up until I decided to spend time making this, of course.

My sister says the nose is wrong and his eyebrows are bigger, but hey - I don't watch the show, so... whatever.

And here's just a few random faces from here and there:

Drawing random faces is good practice, but drawing celebrity caricatures - ones that people can potentially recognise - is really another level. I hope to post a few of them in the next few weeks.

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: Penny Arcade Crew

2010-01-21T12:44:00.001+10:00

So recently I've been fascinated by PATV (Penny Arcade TeleVision), seeing such a dynamic workplace and all the characters working there. I thought to myself, why would Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik choose to portray themselves as Gabe and Tycho when their real faces are so much more interesting?

It was at this point I decided to draw them. Then, having attached myself to the entire Penny Arcade crew I couldn't bring myself to leave anyone out. (That being said, they are in no particular order)
EDIT: There are a lot of people left out; PATV takes no real interest in introducing you to the entire crew in any comprehensive way.

The videos are not the best way to draw the crew for many reasons; one of which being entire members are not featured (Jeff). That and the camera is always close enough to make out skin pores, so you almost never see anyone's face as a whole.

I also cannot find one picture that shows the whole group in one shot - so names and faces are probably all over the place. I might change them as the series progresses.

It's a very interesting place. The PA Offices are the Pixar Offices of the comic world. Just as the Pixar Offices are the Valve Offices of the movie world, and the Valve Offices are the PA Offices of the game world.

I heartily recommend it.

PS: Brian - Damn your face. It defies rendition!

REVIEW: Strange Wilderness

2009-12-14T09:19:00.007+10:00

If you liked The Benchwarmers, then you are going to love the first half of this movie... until it becomes so crass and unbearable that even your hulk-like tolerance for execrable rubbish is shattered irredeemably and you lie weeping in a pool of blood, vomit, skin and hair, a shivering broken husk of a person, crying out for your lost childhood.

On the bright side, I now have a renewed respect for whoever was behind the excellent and misleading trailer. It's a complicated relationship though, as I do want to murder him for tricking me so.

So heed my warning. Meanwhile, I am off to cleanse myself with some David McGahn's World.

Art: Turtle Knight

2009-12-10T07:51:00.001+10:00

This was one of the images from the book I illustrated which was too detailed to go in. But I had so much fun drawing it, I had to ink and colour it properly.

Art: Space guy... thing

2009-11-13T11:02:00.002+10:00

"Help! My icecream has evolved! What a strange and specific way to die!"

STOP THE SHOW - Geek Update!

2009-10-29T10:40:00.004+10:00

*giggles feverishly*
*continues to giggle*

Okay, I'm going to have to start reading this blog.

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: The Fourth

2009-10-28T18:53:00.004+10:00

I've been busy recently creating a pitch image for something over on The Silent Knights, which should be posted on Friday.

However I have managed to slip in a bit of personal drawing. I've been practising caricaturing the Voyager cast, which I'm really enjoying at the moment - but as I'm not really happy with that yet, I'll post some random faces I've done:

Click to enlarge

I'm really happy with how 9 & 10 have turned out, but I've got to practice style consistency. While it is good to be able to do many different styles, it's much better to be able to do them purposefully, and with intent.

9's lips took me the longest time, but I think I finally nailed them. It didn't matter which part I drew first, it would look awful. No matter what angle I approached it from, it either looked nothing like the picture, or it ruined the picture. Because of this, I've realised a weakness of mine: When drawing, I want the image to look good at every stage, to be able to stand up on it's own, and sometimes you just can't do it that way.

Out of all the professionals I've watched making art, all of their art looked strange and terrible during the process, but they all fall together at the end - and look all the better for it. I'm going to have to practice just having faith and patience. Once I let myself forget about how the lips were looking, before I knew it, they were done and - I reckon - look great.

Art: The Littlest Knight

2009-09-27T20:23:00.007+10:00

The other day I was just mucking around with my Cintiq, when I made this so called 'picture':

'The Littlest Knight'
Version 1

I hadn't done a fully finished and polished picture for a long time, so I thought - "I can do better than this."

So I drew this vector piece:

'The Littlest Knight'
Version 2

"Better," I thought "but it doesn't feel finished."

So I added a few random textures, glows and gradients:

'The Littlest Knight'
Version 3

I was, by this point, quite happy with it - but I didn't like the background or the clouds.

So I redrew them:

'The Littlest Knight'
Version 4

I was now completely happy with the content, but I couldn't remember the exact textures and gradients I had added before and couldn't replicate the effect. Hence, I have two final pieces.

Version 4, I think is my favourite, though it does miss a certain sombre 'story-book-edness' of Version 3. However, Version 3 doesn't compare to the detail, lightness, and the narrative of Version 4.

I don't know, what do you guys think?

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: The Third

2009-09-27T11:04:00.004+10:00

These are some strange old faces I found. Just numbered them for myself - needed somewhere to post them.

Vaguely Caricature-ish Sketches: The Second

2009-09-22T14:42:00.008+10:00

Once again - Click the Image to Enlarge

I think '6' is my favourite. That guy has such a great face. I'm also quite happy with '4', but I mean... how do you screw up a face like that? It's basically a caricature already. EDIT: Looking back on it, I think may have found a way to screw it up...

This time the sketches were from the faces off obscure Russian albums or something - maybe a few from the newspaper. I don't know. I borrowed some books on Caricature, as it is something that both intrigues and eludes me - it's such a frustratingly subconscious thing.

I think I can push the faces further.

Future Direction - A Stakeholder Meeting

2009-09-15T13:04:00.008+10:00

Listening to: The Moon is Disgusting - That1Guy

The more observant of you may have noticed a lack of posts here. (Pfft, I always swore I wasn't going to be the guy who writes that post)

Well, I was thinking to myself - either declare this Blog officially 'replaced', or start using it again with some measure of regularity. I was leaning toward the former for quite a while, as I really don't have the time to write more than fortnightly, which I am already as a Silent Knight - an endeavourer of which I am much prouder, and find much more fulfilling and inspirational.

But then, the other day I was thinking to myself "Boy, I wish I had somewhere to post my pictures that isn't so 'community intensive' as Deviant Art". The thought of an Art Blog has come to me quite embarrassingly slowly, considering I am a regular reader of no fewer than FOUR fantastic examples.

So yeah, on a temporary basis I'll trial the idea of an Art blog. Hopefully this will inspire/force me to art it up a little more. And, hey - in the future if I have some time, there's no reason I can't rip into some poor undeserving movie anyway.

To kick it off, here are some vaguely caricature-ish sketches I had lying around. I did them from my sibling's School Class photos for interesting faces - though there's a few strangers in there, I think one is supposed to be Bill Crosby:

Click to enlarge

I hope to have something a tad more 'arty' next week.

I should mention here the art blogs I do follow:

Jen's 'I love rabbits'
An artist whose art is so filled with warmth, melancholy and unreplicatability, she shows all us 'mere illustrators' for the shallow hacks we are. By the by, 'unreplicatability' is not a word.

Tim's blog (Which I should mention has just recently vanished - Please come back Tim, I miss you)
One is always surprised to actually, physically know someone who is on such a level.

And by 'physically know', I of course only mean I have met him.

As well as the unreasonably talented Emma and Nedroid's Art Journals.

SHORT REVIEW: Hancock

2009-05-21T10:06:00.000+10:00

Hancock

To all those people (maybe two) waiting for me to rip into this film, I'm afraid to say I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a really, really excellent film with a really strange problem.

For those of you who haven't yet seen it yet, I should explain that this is the shortest film you'll ever see at just under 50 minutes. The rest of the film is a poorly made, shark-jumping sequel without any transition - I tell you what, it's a strange and terrible idea for a double feature.

I'm not sure why they didn't think the first film was worth a full 90 minutes. It is a beautiful character study of a person who does not fit it, who does not need to fit in, who does not know how to fit in but wants to. It's about someone who wants to change the world, and decides to do it one person at a time. It's about growing trust after a lifetime of disappointments. It's about isolation in the middle of crowds. It's about people genuinely trying to make something of themselves. We'll call this movie Hancock 1. Hancock 1 is fantastic.

Unfortunately they decide to rush through this thing quicker than Dragonball Evolution's climax - just so they can get to the wife-beating, pointlessly feel bad, franchise destroying Hancock 2.

I would have preferred a much deeper look into Hancock 1, really juice the whole idea for everything its worth - and it was worth so much more. I wanted to see him slowly opening up in those prison therapy sessions. I wanted to see a proper second act low point. I wanted to see a proper resolution that ties together all the themes. This movie could have been something unique - in essence a love story between a person and his community. Spiderman 1 touched on it, but this was the perfect vehicle to properly explore it on a deeper level.

What I didn't want to see was a corny tornado fight and an irrelevant love triangle.

FOR THOSE STUDYING MOVIES:

Interested in movies awkwardly halved? May I recommend viewing Happy Feet, and Beetlejuice.

Happy Feet resolves it's storyline about 30 minutes early, in order to jam in a message about overfishing.

Beetlejuice on the other hand has the opposite problem to Hancock. It's taken the first half of what should have been an excellent movie, and stretched it over the whole movie; creating this awkward, go-nowhere disappointment that overstays its welcome (ironically like the main character).

(Phrase of the day: 'Corny tornado')

New Blog

2009-04-25T00:20:00.004+10:00

That's right: Guru and I have finally made a combined blog.

Looks like fun, I hear you say.

Well, we were going for Professional. I guess we're just a continual disappointment...

REVIEW: The Benchwarmers

2009-04-19T00:01:00.017+10:00

Reviews of Movies you Might Have Missed:

The Benchwarmers

TEN WORD REVIEWS

"This is the first draft of a potentially mediocre movie."

"One minute into the movie, someone eats a booger. Seriously."

"Hilariously bad in a 'It still wasn't worth watching' way."

"Don't get this movie unless it comes free with pizza."

"If it comes free with pizza, it ruins the pizza."

THOUGHTS

While Epic Movie inspired hatred and lots of it, this movie inspires pity. It's heartbreaking. This poor, struggling fetus of a comedy offering was actually trying to be good. You can still see its undeveloped heart trying to beat.

...ew. I kind of regret that analogy.

Now usually bad movies don't know what they're trying to be. This movie is the opposite; it knew EXACTLY what it wanted - and that was kind of the problem. This was a Rob Schneider Ego Movie.

Rob Schneider, the guy who usually plays the gross guys/animals/homeless men/crossdresseres/guys-without-any-dignity, decided he wanted to be in a movie that made him out to be cool.

This explains why in a movie about unlikable nerds, Schneider plays a character who is cool, likeable, intelligent, strong, talented, sporty, confident, athletic, sociable and married to a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Supermodel who keeps begging him for sex. Seriously - if you don't believe me, go and watch it... actually scratch that. Don't bother, it's not worth it.

Okay, well that doesn't make MUCH sense, but surely no reason to write off a movie, right?
Allow me to let you in on a secret:

There's a whole lot of smoke and blur to distract you from this cold hard fact but: This movie is about Adults beating Children at Baseball.

Yeah, you heard me.

PLOT

We are introduced to three nerds (for the sake of the plot, let's pretend Rob's character is a nerd) who hate baseball and were teased at school. These fully grown adults decide to teach children a lesson by beating them at baseball, a game they don't like and have no stake in. Sure these children are 'Jocks' but... they're like twelve!

---

They enter a Junior Baseball Round Robin and start to beat kids at baseball. The other two nerds are terrible and don't help at all, and it's all thanks to Rob's supernatural ability - the lesson being here that nerds just hold you back.

All the nerd kids start to cheer them on, as they beat children. At BASEBALL.

Adults beating CHILDREN.

---

Are you following this yet? Good. Here's the kicker:

The 'evil' team cheats... by hiring an ADULT.

I'm just going to let that sink in for a moment.

That's right. We are supposed to hate those villainous children because they hired an ADULT to beat a team of ADULTS.
I certainly hope this doesn't start some kind of sick trend where adults play against adults in some kind of league.

Now our hard-done-by 'nerds' have to endure a bit of a challenge.

---

Luckily enough our poor adults have a billionaire backing them, and are trained by robots and actual Baseball stars. Sweet justice.
That'll teach that other guy a lesson about BEING AN ADULT.

There's a training montage with what I guess is supposed to be a series of cute and quirky exercises but which in actuality are quite obvious imitable acts of antisocial behaviour and defacement of expensive public property. They smash hundreds of letterboxes with baseball bats and constantly ring this poor guy's doorbell. Honestly! Just leave that poor guy alone!

(Jon Heder's character never hits even one letterbox, he is truly terrible at hitting letterboxes.)

---

The next baseball game they are playing is for the finals or something, I don't really know.
They are going to lose unless Jon Heder's character hits the ball! Something he has never managed. He keeps missing. Oh no!

They tell him to imagine it's a letterbox. In a dramatic moment of dawning realisation and slow-motion wizardry - he suddenly sees the ball as a letterbox.

THE THING HE WAS JUST AS BAD IF NOT WORSE AT HITTING.

He hits it out of the park. I want to punch something. Anything. Even myself, I don't even care any more.

---

Big twist!
Rob is actually a Jock! The lesson here being that if you're a nerd and you want to be worth something, become a Jock. Nice.

Apparently Rob bullied this dwarf at school.
The dwarf was bullied so intensely that he reverted to childhood for like ten years. Luckily an apology is enough to fix A DECADE OF SEVERE, UNTREATED AND PROLONGED MENTAL REGRESSION. He is talking rationally and maturely in the next scene.

---

Now to be fair, the ending is a nice scene, if not cloyingly mawkish, which actually has a pretty good message but by then it's far too late.

WRAP UP

Now the Plot summary actually left out quite a lot of details, mainly because almost nothing was relevant to the plot.

But I should mention I actually learned a few things during this movie. Mainly I learned how much I hate jokes about homosexuals, oversized props, goths, farts, boogers... and now I hate vomit jokes.

The most painful thing about this movie, even more painful than the plot, is a one scene character who they managed to stretch out over the entire film. The writers vastly overestimated how funny/popular he would be, vastly outstaying his welcome. He also provides the worst, most indulgently crass and uncalled for final beat I've ever seen.

That final joke is actually so distasteful that just thinking about it... I don't want to continue this review.

(Phrase of the day: 'Cloyingly Mawkish')

REVIEW: As Good as It Gets

2008-11-15T22:08:00.017+10:00

I wrote this review because, unexplainably, some people are under the impression that 'As Good as It Gets' is a good movie, or even 'has anything redeemable to offer at all'. I mean 85% Fresh? Several Best Actors and a Golden Globe for best picture!? Have I gone mad?

An "obsessive-compulsive, misanthropic, and bigoted romantic novelist named Melvin Udall"?
Imagine House and Monk in one movie - How can you lose? How can you screw that up? That is almost a perfect movie right there! Perhaps if it was written even slightly convincingly, or even exaggeratedly comical I would have liked this movie. What it ends up as, is a watery, insultingly underdeveloped, mockery of intelligent cinema that only managed to stave off boredom as I watched it by inciting intense waves of hatred. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I wouldn't want to bias the audience.

The movie is essentially about three characters: THE CRANKY SOCIOPATH, THE SINGLE MOTHER and THE HOMOSEXUAL.

Now some people might find it offensive that I defined the entire character of THE HOMOSEXUAL by his gender preference, but it is not my doing. The character has nothing else. In fact the entire depth of these characters seem to delve to no more than what might have been scrawled on a napkin as Mark Andrus, the writer, lazily attempted to scratch a living as a HACK.

The amazingly awful thing about this movie is that, though these three characters can be summed up in a two-dimensional stereotype, it seems to be written by someone who has had no experience with any people remotely like them - as they each act out what isn't even a well fleshed out stereotype. Characters continually announce what cliches they're are supposed to be playing, as though the writer thought we needed to be reminded because of lazy acting. This is one of the few times I whole heartedly agree with him.

THE CRANKY OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE, lazily portrayed by a staggeringly elderly Jack Nicholson, has this unique character arc where he becomes progressively more annoying and unbelievable throughout the movie until you hate him and fervently disbelieve that THE SINGLE MOTHER somehow has changed her attitude and loves him now... for some reason.

In fact, the only way there could have been less chemistry would have been if the entire movie was set in a physics lab.

If you took this movie as an accurate description of what obsessive-compulsive people are like, then you might believe that they are irrational people who have a smattering of typical and uninteresting rules which they rigidly enforce on themselves to great 'comedic effect' once or twice - and then easily ignore them for the rest of the movie. You'd further believe that instead of talking, they simply spew out mediocre one liners which are only soughta' insulting. On the plus side, their inability to interact with other people only happens when convenient.

This movie might have escaped my scorn if they could have made THE CRANKY SOCIOPATH either actually funny/harsh, or if they could have made him even a little relatable/likeable/redeemable - as a character who is actually struggling with a real problem. As it is, he floats in this limbo state of 'me not caring at all'. The fact that people gave his character so many awards, only tells me how desparate people are for interesting characters like this. You can do a hell of a lot better than this, people!

The movie continues to head up poorly defined paths only to go nowhere or pretend that it never happened. There are three or four major sub-plots that never go anywhere, the main character's dying kid, or the black guy that we never really understood who he was - or even the street kid who they spent so much time and energy building up an emotional connection and back story who disappeared half-way through the movie and never came back. It's easily twice as bad as the sub-plots from the Transformer movie.

In fact at least half of the movie is spent around what is happening to THE HOMOSEXUAL - all about his money issues, physical injuries, crashing artistic career, his friends leaving him, the long road trip to visit his parents with whom he has unresolved tensions with, or his blossoming heterosexual feelings for THE SINGLE MOTHER which is only slightly more convincing than the Nicholson/Hunt relationship - and NONE of these are resolved whatsoever. WHATSOEVER!
(The road trip to visit his parents ends with him saying that he for some reason doesn't need to see them any more and they drive back - I'm serious... we don't even see them)

However, I guess there were two good things I could say about this movie. It had heart, and a good dose of twists.

Well... when I say heart, I mean an overly melodramatic piano played loudly over THE CRANKY GUY crying over a cute dog in what was supposed to be a magical character changing moment. This happened like ten minutes into the film, waaay before we knew that it was supposed to be out of character for him.

Also gross and baffling Jack Nicholson make-outs? Am I right?

Aaand when I say twists, I mean characters saying things for no reason just so the writers can jack up the tension a little and not resolve it. And other characters reacting to things with no rational base, and other characters doing unexplainable things and then completely disappearing out of the movie. Or even an amazingly unsubtle case of THE CRANKY GUY saying "as good as it gets" in a pointless scene just so they could have a title for the film. (I hate that)

In conclusion:
The movie was kind of like a kid with learning difficulties getting up on stage, ad-libbing a story about something he knows nothing about, and everyone cheering and giving him money.

Actually, please tell me the guys who made this have some kind of intellectual disability - not only would that make sense, but it would explain why they got so many awards.

Even so... it's still pretty bad.

An interesting read

2008-10-31T00:12:00.004+10:00

Without too much description from me, I trust you'll be able to work out this link's interest.

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice
List of recently executed criminals - With last statements

"What I want people to know is that they call me a cold-blooded killer when I shot a man that shot me first. The only thing that convicted me was that I am a Mexican and that he was a police officer. People hollered for my life, and they are to have my life tonight. The people never hollered for the life of the policeman that killed a thirteen-year-old boy who was handcuffed in the back seat of a police car. The people never hollered for the life of a Houston police officer who beat up and drowned Jose Campo Torres and threw his body in the river. You call that equal justice. This is your equal justice. This is America’s equal justice. A Mexican’s life is worth nothing. When a policeman kills someone he gets a suspended sentence or probation. When a Mexican kills a police officer this is what you get. From there you call me a cold-blooded murderer. I didn’t tie anyone to a stretcher. I didn’t pump any poison into anybody’s veins from behind a locked door. You call this justice. I call this and your society a bunch of cold-blooded murderers. I don’t say this with any bitterness or anger. I just say this with truthfulness. I hope God forgives me for all my sins. I hope that God will be as merciful to society as he has been to me. I’m ready, Warden."

Star Wars: The Clone Wars Review

2008-08-15T23:20:00.015+10:00

THE LINK

View some of it here. This bit is pretty good.

IMMEDIATE REACTION

"Why?"

PRE-VIEWING TURNOUT

On opening night the entire audience consisted of my father, brother and I, a guy resolutely dressed as some kind of Sith sitting alone up the back, and a couple who kept nervously glancing back up at the Sith Lord with that 'I-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this' expression.

By the way, this guy ticked all the boxes;

Fluorescent-red, limited edition, Stainless-steel lightsaber
Long flowing robes, with some kind of carefully recreated decals
Pre-Ordered ticket to a movie that didn't even sell a row
Went to see a critically panned movie on opening night, in fancy dress alone

Hoyts obviously knew they were sitting on a gold-mine with this particular film, and the four or five ads before the show were exclusively aimed at the female teenager market - showcasing the very worst in coming of age comedy/dramas.

All this promised something big.

THE INTRODUCTION

Ever since Young Anakin yelled 'yippee' and pod-raced straight into our hearts, I've been saying to myself "King Kohl," I've been saying, "I really hope the next Star Wars film I see has a precocious teen with wooden acting to match Jake Lloyd's stellar performance." Well, was I in for a treat! I mean ANY Star Wars film that can have the line "Stop driving so wildly, you'll wake the baby" deserves full support and respect from Music Pie.

THE SUMMARY

"It was a strange and constant mix of good writing with poor execution, and good execution with poor writing - making the whole thing poor. If just ONE scene could have got it's whole act together I might've liked this film."

THE PLOT

Main characters from the prequels bumble around being weak and failing, while the villains bumble around and are weak and fail even more. The only useful character is a new teenager, without backstory or personality, and alternates between feeble and niave, and unreasonably powerful for no reason. Probably producer's daughter. The Hutts are occasionally involved somehow.

THE SETTING

After one movie, an excellent cartoon series, and countless expanded universe comics and books... haven't we really seen enough of the Clone Wars? The chance that the few unique things inherent in a Clone Wars scenario will be explored are ruined by the fact that they've decided to drag out Anakin and Obi-Wan again - who thought Obi-Wan could be boring? The thing that makes it so tiresome is that the Star Wars universe is so large and expansive - they could have done anything! I don't mean making entirely new characters, but there are hundreds of great ancillary characters that could be explored. I mean... Clone Wars? It's BORING.

THE GOOD STUFF

First off - I personally thought it was visually impressive. The scenery was great (if not a teensy bit too 'colourful preschool pop-up book') and the way everyone looked like they were cut out of foam actually looked real classy.

True, everyone moved as if they had some rigid orthopaedic frame forcefully Arc welded onto their body, but it still looked pretty classy when they were standing still. (Joe suggested that they were just trying to stay authentic to Hayden Christensen - heh heh)

And to it's credit the action was pretty good! There were some really cool sequences, like the battle on the side of the cliff. The lightsaber battles were mediocre but it definitely had some cool bits that made me think 'maybe, just MAYBE I might watch this again... either with fast-forward or on YouTube'.

THE BAD STUFF

One of the most frustrating things would have to be the voice acting. It's obvious the writers were like 'Let's have some witty banter in here', and then they write dialogue which is... well, passable. But the actors read every line like it's the most important one liner in the whole movie. Imagine if the voice actors were only recording one piece of dialogue a year, and hence really played it up - that's what even the most trivial lines like "I agree" or "Come on, let's go" are like. "Can you check the ship... before TAKE-off"

Also this wasn't a movie; it was a computer game. It was like watching cutscenes, and right when you're about to grab your controller, the game starts playing itself. (EDIT: I know this is a weird critique, but I actually read a similar one in the newspaper!)

You know: 'this is the bit where you fight 3 droids - now you have to fight a boss - now a vehicle level'. Most of the smaller battles had the air of a random encounter from like Final Fantasy or something - "Oh no, ANOTHER spaceship." You get to the point where you actually expect a health bar and a mini map to appear around the screen or after a fight to have experience awarded. This isn't helped by the game-style graphics or the bit where a gun actually appears at the bottom of the screen FPS style.

There were some... odd choices in there. I mean, riding a large dragonfly that looks like a reject Pokemon was kind of weird. And yeah, a cross-dressing Hutt with the voice of Whinny the Pooh can be a little unsettling, I won't argue that point. But C-3PO being competent? That's shark jumping material right there.

Speaking of shark jumping material, nothing says non-canon more than an entirely new character, heavily influencing main characters, and then never being mentioned in the movie immediately afterwards. The plot reads just like a fan-fiction. I'm talking about the bad kind that tries to force in all the movie favorites unsuccessfully, as well as slipping in the Author as a respected main character.

GRAPH

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
The only character arc, though small and unjustified, between the girl and Anakin happens within the first several minutes of the film. From then on everyone kinda glides on. No one learns anything. No one grows or changes. No one even discovers some small truth about themselves that happens to come in handy at the climax.

That small little peak is when Anakin refuses to talk about his past. He doesn't get close to resolving any of his issues. He doesn't even end up talking about his past.

EXPOSITION:
I'm just talking about noticed exposition. Very heavy and doesn't really slow down. Becomes quite frequent near the end to explain why nothing's really happening.

Takes a great deal of narrating and character dialogue to carefully explain common Star Wars things like the Republic and Jedis - then doesn't give any introduction or information AT ALL on Ventress or whatever that villain's name was. I think she was in some comics or something.

BAD NICKNAMES:
Skywalker = Sky Guy? Terrible.
Ahsoka Tano = Snips? Where'd that come from?
R2 = Rtoohey!? Really? REALLY?

REALLY!?

DROIDS BEING FUNNY:
Needlessly and unthematically incompetent is first class humour apparently. The graph is lying. They were never funny. The one good thing I can say about the humor in this movie is that every now and again you can tell what the joke was supposed to be, and that has to count for something, right?

WRAP UP

Yeah, most people (actually, just Josh and that Sith guy) will say "look, it's just four crappy Saturday morning kids cartoons stuck together that you'd never normally watch." Well, that's all true except for the bit about kids cartoons being an excuse to be crap. I still paid money to go and see it. Well... my Dad did.

Now look, the movie wasn't that bad, but I have a critique that is, in my opinion, the worst critique I can make of any film: Everything redeeming about it has been done much, much better in other films.

There is nothing, no action scene, no special effect, not even one line of dialogue, or one small idea, or even a tiny background detail that made me think 'that is special'.

Now that rare, and very disappointing.

Music Pie: Episode 10

2008-08-06T00:33:00.006+10:00

It's been a while, but it's time for another instalment of Music Pie.

Team Knowledge Ep 3

2008-03-05T23:18:00.004+10:00

Music Pie: The missing episode 7!

2008-02-27T11:22:00.003+10:00

I made this back when I was engrossed in House Season 1.

The later seasons change the format around, but I still maintain that if you follow this comic, you can fit any Season 1 episode into it.

Team Knowledge Ep 2

2007-11-10T21:46:00.004+10:00

Wiki-splore:
Apicus on cooking --> Baby oil

Team Knowledge - Ep 1

2007-10-29T21:23:00.002+10:00

Well, over here at Music Pie labs, we often receive questions deemed impossible - too hard for ordinary humans to answer.

Behold, the occasional filler:

Wiki-splore: Synchronized swimming --> Stamen

EDIT: I am well aware of the spelling mistake.

Revisionist Modern Mythologies

2007-07-27T07:57:00.000+10:00

Listening to: I'm going to go back there some day - Gonzo/The Muppet Movie
Unique sentence: "I called my mother on the television and did not understand the door. It was too breakfast, but they came from far to near. My mother is not too old for me to be young."

There's a new phenomenon that is only recently possible for the first time in the human race. Before, if there was a movie that wasn't watched but had a solid premise, one could remake it several years later with your own vision, as a newer official version.

More recently, if a movie was popular enough, one could make a parody; the more popular, the easier.

Now there is a new branch of this showing itself, and it's hard to explain, but it's awesome. It's not quite fan fiction.

I guess the only way to describe them are Revisionist Modern Mythologies. Guru introduced me to one set in the Mario universe, a tragic drama that was both hilarious and heartbreakingly awesome. I distinctly marvelled.

Mario Brothers
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Finale

But my brother has just introduced me to a new series. Imagine the Mario brother's universe and Sonic the Hedgehog, but Dragon Ball Z style. With cameos from many different games. I bet you won't get all of them!

Action heavy and with a similar plot, this is as good as the above series... if not better? Maybe? The best thing about it is that it's still ongoing! I want the DVD...

Super Mario Bros Z

Don't need to watch the intro first, just get watching!

Featured link: Someone posted almost all of Land before Time on YouTube!
And it's not as bad as I thought it would be!

It's all about the mix

2007-06-30T23:53:00.000+10:00

Top ten trailers:
Trailers: Like short movies without boring bits? Or junk food without plot resolutions or story arcs?

I must say, it's hard to judge between a good trailer and a good movie. Now, I know for a fact I've forgotten some - I may have even forgotten one better than the current number 1, so please: Correct me.

I've added four criteria - each out of ten. These have no bearings on their ranking, just what I think of them.

~# Success is success at what the trailer is trying to achieve. Usually either increasing anticipation, stirring curiosity or the main one: Getting me to pay money for a ticket.
~# Correct atmosphere is how well are they preparing you for the movie. How many liberties are they taking between the trailer and the actual film - Sometimes heaps!
~# Music and visuals are self explanatory - but intertwined. If one isn't good, the other usually suffers. Some movies have one of these so killer that it doesn't matter though.

10.
Chronicles of Narnia
Just because something is aimed at kids, doesn't mean it has to be 'kiddy'. This perfectly reacreated that old-school adventure feel which I think is just what kids are looking for and missing out on.

Success: 10
Correct atmosphere: 10
Music: 8
Visuals: 8

9.
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
More successful, but only because the ball was already rolling so fast.

Success: 10
Correct atmosphere: 10
Music: 10
Visuals: 9

8.
King Kong
This trailer had to be good enough to make people forget Lord of the Rings and just concentrate on the story.

It was.

Success: 9
Correct atmosphere: 8 (It was bloody long and bloody emotional rather than just bloody)
Music: 9
Visuals: 10

7.
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
I always remembered the Return of the King trailer as the best, but I think that was just because of the increased excitement.

Success: 9
Correct atmosphere: 10
Music: 9
Visuals: 10

6.
Children of men
When I first saw this trailer, I was stunned.

Success: 8 (I think it may have turned one or two people away with its honesty)
Correct atmosphere: 10
Music: 10
Visuals: 9

5.
Halo
~# Trailer 1
~# Trailer 2

A game? Am I allowed to do that? Yes. Yes I am.

I never really got into Halo 2, but this has made me psyched for 3... even though there's nothing really 'new' about it! There's two trailers here, but I couldn't really decide which one was better or more 'official'.

Success: 9 (A fluid mix of nostalgia and anticipation)
Correct atmosphere: (It hasn't even been finished yet)
Music: 10 (Finish the Fight - Martin O'Donnel... the Fanfare is awesome!)
Visuals: 6 (However, it used IN GAME GRAPHICS!)

4.
Syriana

"Syriana?" I hear you say. "I don't remember the movie, let alone the trailer."

I know, I know. It's a good trailer, it does make me want to see it. But the best thing about it is the fact that the actual movie is boring as hell. Whoever made this trailer is a genius. Seriously, it's just as good as all those re-cuts you see from time to time.

Success: 11 (If ten is what's possible)
Correct atmosphere: 3
Music: 8
Visuals: 9 (Nice, but not wowing - a bit of a give away)

3.
The Matrix:Reloaded

I'm sure many would expect this to be on the top of the list - and hey! It deserves much recognition. An excellent trailer that managed to charm the weak of will into the Matrix sequels, only to stab in the back in the dark of the cinema, and steal their hope.

But seriously, a trailer that has probably done just as much to form the new standard of trailers as advertising for it's movie... probably more. This one has really become the benchmark.

Success: 9
Correct atmosphere: 9
Music: 9
Visuals: 9

2.
300

If you have any objections, they better be pretty good. If you have any substitutions, they better be freakin' PHENOMENAL.

I rated it lower for success, because to be honest it doesn't particularly make me want to watch the movie. I'd rather press play again then be bothered ordering tickets - it was almost too good, I just knew the movie couldn't live up to it. Two out of the three reviews for the movie I read said they would have enjoyed to movie more if the trailer hadn't raised their hopes so high.

This trailer is simply masterful filmmaking in it's own right.

Success: 7 (I haven't seen it yet)
Correct atmosphere: N/A (I haven't seen it yet)
Music: 10 (Just like you Imagined - Nine Inch Nails)
Visuals: 10

1.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

You probably forgot about this one, am I right? Don't believe it should be up here? Watch again. It's not a rare thing for a trailer to be better than the movie it's previewing (in fact it's normal), but this is just extreme.

Consciously? I know I didn't really like the movie, but every time I watch this trailer, I want to watch it again. That is why Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is currently number one on my list even though, some of the other trailers have 'scored' better.

Success: 10 (It's like it's own awesome sketch)
Correct atmosphere: 9
Music: 7 (It was good, but it didn't make me open Lime-wire)
Visuals: 9

Blood Diamond was a close eleventh in case you were wondering.

Special mentions to the trailers for The Comedian and Wall-E (they were only teasers) and Bee-Movie (for most original teaser).

Of course, everyone has seen the Mother of all Trailers, but if you like trailers, then you should love this.

Game rules: NECROMANCY

2007-06-16T19:20:00.001+10:00

© Boardom 2006

Necromancy is an evolved form of 'Western Shoot-out', a school hard duel game akin to Rock-Paper-Scissors. This group game was created by all the members of Boardom, and is played without any equipment.

Even though it has only ever been played in one place in the world, there is varying terminology for the different elements in the game. These rules are using the Necromancy theme.

BASIC PREMISE

Everybody stands in a circle and someone is chosen to count to three each turn. Everyone chooses what move they are going to do and to whom, according to how many 'points' they have and who is still alive. On the count of three, everyone makes the sign associated with the move. Everyone then pauses to carry out the consequences of that round and subtracts mana accordingly.

BASIC MOVES

There are three basic moves. These don't require any points (AKA: Mana, bullets);
- Reload (AKA: Meditate, charge)
SIGN: Parallel to or touching the head with index and middle fingers
Gives user one more point
- Resurrect (AKA: Revive, heal, zombify)
SIGN: Palm(s) outstretched toward dead player
Makes that player a Zombie for user (See RULES FOR ZOMBIES)
- > If two or more players try to resurrect the same dead player, the dead player becomes alive and is freed
- Block (AKA: Shield, hide)
SIGN: Forearms crossed across chest
User cannot be hurt or killed this turn
- > Can only be used 5 times in a row

ATTACK MOVES

These moves use points and are put in order of cost;
1 - Shoot (AKA: Zap, lightning bolt)
SIGN: Hand(s) pointing at victim
Victim, if not blocking, dies
- > If two people shoot each other with 'Shoot' it cancels out
- > If two people shoot the same person, the person dies without extra consequence
2 - Double shot
SIGN: Hands pointing at a victim each
Victims, who aren't blocking, die
- > If two people shoot each other with 'Double shot' it cancels out
- > If two people shoot each other, one with 'Shoot' and one with 'Double shot', 'Shoot' wins
3 - Mass resurrection
SIGN: Palm(s) outstretched towards ground, kneeling (OR any bad 70's dancing)
All dead players become Zombies for user
- > 'Resurrect' overrules 'Mass resurrection'
4 - Explosion (AKA: Grenade, blast)
SIGN: One star jump, yell "BOOM"
Everyone except the user and players blocking, die
- > If the player who explodes is shot the same turn, the explosion is cancelled
- > The user kills all Zombies under its control
- > If two or more players explode at the same time, then (depending on preference) either only people who exploded that round die OR everyone except those who are blocking
5 - Life (AKA: Chance, health)
SIGN: Prayer stance (Palms together for all you pagans)
Gives one life
- > The user may have as many lives as they want, as long as they earn them
- > A player with a life may choose to not use it, if killed (The player may want to run the risk of being eventually resurrected and set free to keep the life)

RULES FOR ZOMBIES

If the Necromancer is killed then all Zombies are freed
A Zombie cannot kill its Necromancer (the person who resurrected it) or other zombies belonging to its Necromancer
A Zombie can only block twice in a row
It may only have up to 2 points, and as such may only use 'Shoot' and 'Double shoot'
It must, to the best of its ability, try to win the game for its Necromancer

OTHER RULES

If a player wasn't ready and doesn't make any sign in particular, it counts as nothing and they can be shot
If a player makes a sign late or changes their sign, especially to block if they see someone shooting at them, then they automatically die
When a player dies, their point level is kept - If resurrected, their points are automatically reduced to 2, unless immediately freed
If a player forgets, or is unsure of their points, 0 is assumed
A player has to tell the other how many points they have if asked
If a player does a move that they don't have enough points for, and is found out, they die
The first round, traditionally, everyone reloads. This may be changed to everyone starts the game with one point.
There is no limit to how many points a player can have
A player may release Zombies from servitude, to make deals and such
If there are only two players alive, and no Zombies, it becomes a Duel, and the speed is increased until one loses

HOW TO WIN

Turns are taken until there is only one player remaining alive, he is the winner. Zombies and dead players with lives do not count.

~Optional rule~

SUDDEN DEATH (AKA: Cuban execution, Irish execution)

Sudden death is a mini game within Necromancy to add variety to certain situations. You must have at least 5 people playing overall for this to work properly

If the game comes to a point where it is everyone (one Necromancer and everyone else Zombies) versus only one other player, then you can choose to play Sudden death.

The player without any Zombies stands in the middle.
Zombies and Necromancer arrange themselves around the player in a circle so they have a partner on the other side of the player. If there is an uneven number, then the Necromancer can stand out for the moment and let his minions do the dirty work

Z
Z . . . . . . . N
. . . . . . . . . . .
Z . . . . P . . . . Z
. . . . . . . . . . .
Z . . . . . . . Z
Z

All the normal moves are available (except 'Double shot', 'Resurrect' and 'Mass Resurrection' but that's only because you couldn't use them anyway - the player in the centre may use 'Double shot'), however the game now works on two levels; high and low (i.e. standing, crouching)
Attacks aimed at the centre player may 'miss' and pass on to the player behind if they are not on the same level as you.

E.g.; (See diagram) The Zombie on the very bottom was shooting high (Standing), the Zombie on the very top was reloading also high while the centre player reloads low (crouching). The Zombie at the bottom shoots, but is on the wrong level to hit the centre player. The shot flies over the player's head and kills the Zombie opposite him.

If attacker is high, and attackee is low then shots pass over the head. This counts for everyone
If attacker is low, and attackee is high then shots go through the legs. This counts for everyone
This is the only case where a Zombie may shoot its own Necromancer.

Sudden death ends as soon as someone dies
If the centre player dies, then the Necromancer wins the game
If the Necromancer dies, then all the Zombies are freed and the game goes back to normal mode
If one of the Zombies die, then the game goes back to normal mode (because it no longer matches the 'everyone-verses-one-player' criteria)

Pirates of the Caribbean

2007-05-26T11:25:00.000+10:00

Listening to: My brother vacuuming - courtesy of Saturday Chores

An interesting trilogy, (soon to be a tetralogy?) that didn't follow any of my rules!

RULES FOR TRILOGIES

I will like the first, forget the second and miss the third.
All movies in the trilogy are equally awesome. (This is rare)
No running in the corridor

It looks as though I will have to add a new rule along the lines of not liking the first and getting radically better from then on.

I think I like this last one so much because it took me two movies to work out how to watch them and two movies for them to work out how much of what to put in... but I'm speaking in riddles. Let me illustrate (with particular emphasis on Pirates 3):

Pirates 1

Now this graph is only applicable to this particular genre of adventure movie. You can see how well Babbat's Feast would do if put on the graph, it wouldn't have any on either. Now as you can see Pirates 1 more than enough plot, I will say it was quite engaging - that bottom blue line is absolutely bare minimum. As you can also see here, the movie has more than adequate Adventure, though the only reason it's even close to crossing the line of adequacy is because of Captain Jack.

Note how Crazy/Fun Adventure does not have a maximum, provided there's enough room for the minimum Plot.

Pirates 2

Now see here how the Plot has now increased, lots of backstabbing and crazy allegiances, it is on the limit of what we can process in the Pancake Parlour after the film.

There was a lot of 'but what happened to him?' and 'why was he fighting him?' and the occasional 'why is she still trying to act?'.

However, because of the heavy plot it actually worked in my favour. I occasionally got bored with it and just enjoyed the amazing adventure and imagination.

Pirates 3

I don't know what other people thought, but it was in this film that I realized why Bloom's last name was 'Turner'. You haven't seen this one yet? I will explain the plot to you.

Imagine twenty crazy, strangely dressed people spinning around and randomly pointing at each other yelling.

'I'M ON YOUR TEAM NOW!!!'
'OKAY!!! WHY?'
'I DON'T KNOW!!!'
'OKAY!!!'

I consider myself someone who is pretty good at following complicated plots, but after my experience with the previous movie I completely gave up. The impenetrable maelstrom that is the storyline forgotten, I was free to enjoy the amazing imagination and visuals. It was the equivalent of a children's book for adults and the most fun I'd had at the movies for ages. To be honest I almost feel a little guilty liking something like that. Where's the themes! Where's the coherent character development! But... who cares?

Now, I do have a few gripes. They're mainly about the ending, since that was the only time the awesomeness slowed down enough for me to notice anything bad. Still an awesome movie, that could have been even awesomer.

They had awesome characters and did almost nothing with them. Case in point? Capernicus or whatever she was called. She turned into crabs and made a 'tiny' out of the way whirlpool for ships to play in. For an all powerful and scorned diety unleashed upon the very sea they were sailing on, it seemed kind of... pathetic?

Also, where was our awesome battle? there was like a thousand ships! Two ganged up on one ship and killed it. Battle over? I want to see pirate lords fight! They forgot to end the movie. Budget be damned.

Fan service. If done right, I don't mind it. But this movie was a little crazy on it. The makers of this movie don't like losing anything, even the smallest character or joke. When the dog came out carrying the keys near the end... why? That doesn't make any sense! I was so into the movie, that when the dog came out it violently threw me back into the real world of stupid writing. This is not even to mention Kiera Knightly having to take off her pants within the first like 2 minutes - for what is not the last time.

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